Healing For Women Who Have A Tough Time With Their Abortion Decision
You’re reminded even though you don’t want to be reminded, you still are. Flashbacks just happen… You think about it when you see little children playing outside or walking with their parents. Maybe you have nightmare visitations from your baby. You have a hard time looking into the eyes of a baby without wondering what color your baby’s eyes would have looked like. You hear the vacuum cleaner or garbage disposal or you see a needle or you see the kitchen knives or hear a baby crying - and you remember the procedure. You read the news about a little child who died and all of a sudden, you remember your abortion. You read or hear about someone who is pregnant and you remember. You go to a friend’s Baby Shower or a child’s Birthday Party and you wonder what your little one would have looked like. Memories seem to come back suddenly and without warning. It’s one reason why you tend to avoid pregnant women at work and toy stores at the mall and playgrounds at the park. Maybe it’s why you won’t go to church on Mother’s Day or work in the church nursery since you’re uncomfortable with babies. You try to drown out those memories by making yourself so busy - but it just doesn’t work…. You’re angry that you were told it that it was only a piece of tissue, that it was a simple procedure that wouldn’t be painful, or that you wouldn’t experience any discomfort during or afterwards. So not true! You feel like you were duped and tricked by everyone around you who suggested you have an abortion. Now, you realize they never cared about you but only cared about their right to do whatever they want. You used to be close to your friends or family but now you’re not. You don’t understand how they could be so casual or callous about what happened. It blows your mind. You’re mad at the person who drove you to the abortion clinic or who abandoned you afterwards. You now realize your career was not worth it. Maybe you’re upset with your boyfriend or husband or family members who insisted that you do this. He left you, they seem distant. You're angry at yourself and now wondering how you could be so gullible and vulnerable. And now, you’re easily irritated for the smallest of reasons. You seem to be angry at all men now because of what one man did. You seem to be angry at all women because of what a few women suggested or insisted. You wish you would have researched more before you aborted but you didn’t. You probably have more anger than you realize that gets expressed in a wide variety of ways and I would like to explore how we might resolve and dissolve that when you set up a time to talk with me... You regret and you grieve the loss of your child that you’ll never see. You are so sorry and feel so guilty. You miss your baby and wish you could hold and hug your infant, just once to tell them how you feel. But you can’t…No one knows how much you hurt inside or weep and mourn over your little one now. You’re alone in your craziness, confusion, and pain. There is no one to comfort you in your loss. At least in a funeral, you’re visited by those who cared but in an abortion, you’re left to fend for yourself now. And now, the full force of the severity and finality of what you’ve done has come hit you in the face. You’re surprised that you feel so guilty for what you’ve done and for something you can’t ever undo. You wanted the abortion but now you don’t. The ambivalence of your feelings is what eats away at you. It’s bothering you now and you can’t shake it. Telling God or yourself that you’re sorry doesn’t seem to be enough and it doesn’t bring your baby back to life. Being told to just get over it, doesn’t work. How do you get over the death of your child? How do you just forget about it or just get on with life so easily? An abortion is not easy to forget because a child is not easy to forget. You’ve been asked to minimize or trivialize your grief by sincere friends, church folks or family members. But they’ll never understand... God understands your need to grieve and mourn your loss. Even though your baby was quite small at the time of your abortion, He never treats this event as something small. He wired you as a woman and as a mother and created that mysterious and permanent bond that only a mother has with her child. He created us male and female and knows how you feel about your abortion as a woman and a mother. God especially knows your need to grieve and mourn the loss and death of your little one and loved one. He is not callous or casual about your heavy burden that you carry from the child you once carried. Unlike everyone else around you, He has unique wisdom, sympathy and solutions for your grief, anger, guilt, shame, and remorse. He grieves with you and for you. Would you like to learn more? God understands your need to forgive yourself. And you can and you must do exactly that… based on the forgiveness He offers you based on what His Son did. Please stop looking at what you’ve done and begin to be amazed at what He did instead. You can forgive yourself when you realize He will forgive you. Jesus paid it all; you don’t have to add anything to it. He shed His blood and it’s more than sufficient to pay for and cover all your sins and mistakes - even that of choosing an abortion that ended the life of your baby. No sin is greater than His grace. You don’t need to beat yourself up anymore since He was beaten up in your place. Paul is a guy in the Bible who was responsible for the deaths of many people but he came to realize this amazing grace and couldn’t stop thanking God enough for being forgiven. Jesus forgave the criminal on the cross who had killed many others during his lifetime. And there is another guy in the Bible named David who caused the death of his little one by his indiscretion and who later talked about this liberating joy of forgiveness. God offers you emotional healing from abortion that no one else does. Forgiving yourself is made easier when you realize that you really can be totally forgiven by a forgiving God. I’d like to help you realize this freedom when we get to talk…
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