Healing the Hurt of Men and Boys After Abortion
A LOT OF MEN TODAY FEEL GUILTY AFTER ABORTION- He was the toughest guy in the freshman dorm. Everyone knew him as Mister Macho. He was admired by all the guys who wished they could be as hard as him when it came to dealing with friends and life… We became buddies over the course of the year and then he learned his parents couldn’t afford tuition. I knew I’d never see him again. Before he left, I decided to surprise him in his dorm room to let him know I was going to miss his antics and to ask him to consider having a personal relationship with God. Mister Macho broke down like a baby and I wasn’t prepared for his candid conversation about his past. He told me that God would never forgive someone especially like him because he had killed someone. He pressured his high school sweetheart to get an abortion, drove her to the clinic and paid for all of it. Within one month, the relationship ended and that sense of relief had turned into regret and remorse. The full weight of what he had done in ordering the death of his baby was too much for him to handle. His “pro-choice” stance turned into a “protect” and “provide” stance. He couldn’t ignore, any longer, this God-given instinct no matter what others told him. I told him about another Bible guy who was also directly responsible for the death of his child and how he later described his feelings of guilt replaced by being forgiven by God.
A LOT OF MEN TODAY FEEL ANGRY AFTER ABORTION- Yes, some guys are angry at themselves for being so irresponsible but some men are angry because their voice and choice were not considered. Maybe you didn’t want your girlfriend (or wife) to have an abortion. You both were planning to marry and/or raise this child that you had created together. You decided to do the right thing, you thought. You were ecstatic and eager to have a family and a future, together. All of a sudden, you got the news that she had the abortion and it was done. You were not consulted and your dreams were shattered. The greatest news of your life has now become the greatest sadness in your life! The girl you wanted to love for the rest of your life became the girl you’ll despise the rest of your life. She said she would marry you but she changed her mind. She didn’t just kill the baby inside of her – she also killed you inside….. She discarded your DNA that you’ll never recover. You’ll never tuck your baby in at night. You were betrayed, you were lied to, and you were helpless. She might have gotten over it but you didn’t. You might be angry at the system for our double standards. You’re required by law to support your child after birth but you’re not allowed to support and protect your child before birth? For every child conceived or aborted, there happens to be a mother and a father! It’s not all about her right to choose. What about your right to cherish? It doesn’t make sense to you like it used to. If men rally for abortion, they’re seen as selfish but if women advocate abortion, they’re seen as sincere? They’re supposedly protecting their bodies from the domination of men but what about someone protecting men from women who abort their babies? You might be angry at her parents for making her have an abortion or you might be angry at her for telling you a lie that she had a miscarriage when she had an abortion instead. You’re told about the “morning after” pill but not told about the “mourning after” rage and depression. God can do amazing things in healing the tons of guilt or anger you feel after an abortion. Let me show you more stories where God describes the anguish a father has over the loss of his child….
A LOT OF MEN TODAY FEEL LONELY AFTER ABORTION- There are Support Groups for the women but not for the men. Single mothers get all the attention but not the single fathers whose girlfriend aborted his unseen child. Men need to talk about it and I can be that man who will understand what you’re struggling with today. Your wife doesn’t know your silent sadness when she told you she was pregnant and you went to bed that night wondering what your first baby would have looked like. Your friends will never know why you didn’t come to their Baby Shower. No one will know how uncomfortable you feel when you see fathers playing with their children in the local park. So many repercussions are now felt over a decision that seemed like a “no brainer” at the time. You had no idea you’d feel like this. Your parents will never know that the reason you had a tough time playing with your baby brother is because he reminded you of your baby boy who would be just about the same age right now. They could have been playing together. You can’t tell anyone about your pain. Guys tell you to get over it and girls tell you to get away from them! On the other hand, God wants you to tell your burden to Him. He’s nicer.
A LOT OF MEN TODAY FEEL UNCERTAINTY AFTER ABORTION- You might be timid to commit now or trust another woman enough to marry her after what has happened. You lost respect for all women because of one woman. That’s not healthy or wise but it’s tough to get over it. You might not be sure whether you want to have children lest you be reminded of the child you’ll never hold in your arms. Some men hesitate to become emotionally involved with or attached to their unborn baby because they’re not sure if their partner might abort their baby. You weren’t allowed any equal role in the parenting decisions before and you inwardly fear that it might happen again in the future. Maybe you have a hard time being affectionate towards your children because you feel you’re betraying your firstborn that should have gotten that attention. Maybe you have a hard time telling your children what to do because you feel you lost that moral right a long time ago in choosing or allowing the abortion. It might be harder for you to transition into adulthood right now because you were finally ready to settle down in the past but that life was snatched away from you. You don’t know what to do to make the pain go away and have contemplated suicide or have resorted to drinking or drugs to ease the burden….
The God - given instinct for a man to "protect and provide" is stronger than his "pro-choice" view and always wins out, sooner or later.
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