SAME - SEX ATTRACTION AND PAST PAINFUL HURT
- She was sexually molested by her father for ten long years and no one knew. In trying to work through her anger, she was told to buy a punching bag and pretend it was her father. When the rage would swell up within her as an adult, she’d take that long walk to the basement and punch away. Sometimes out of sheer exhaustion, she would start hugging that punching bag tightly and start crying - asking her dad why he never hugged her like a daughter but only as a wife. She’s now married to another woman and told me that she would never consider being married to a man, after all that she’s been through…
- He never remembered being hugged by either of his parents. They just weren’t wired that way. He remembers his first hug in life around the age of 7 when his uncle gave him a big hug at a family reunion. It felt so unbelievably good to him and he always remembered that feeling. He equated pleasure with the hug of a man and grew up like that – looking for that same sensation and feeling in his search for another man who would remind him of his uncle. He kept looking and still searches today.
- She was gang raped in her freshman year at college. She vowed she would never be hurt like that again.
- She watched her Dad beat up her mom after he would come home drunk after work. She swore to herself that would never happen to her when she grew up. So, she chose safety - and a woman.
- She was dumped by her boyfriend the day after she got the abortion that he insisted that she have. The feelings of shame and anger upon having lost her baby and her boyfriend at the same time changed her life direction and her sexual orientation. Now, she doesn’t have to ever worry about losing either.
- She had a mom who was not an affectionate woman and spent most of her time at work to pay the bills as a single mother has to do. So, she began meeting other women in her desperate search for a mother who might fill that gap and meet that void. She did and is quite happy now to feel that love.
- When she was raped in her adolescent years, a counselor told her that she shouldn’t have been wearing what she wore and looked so busty and sexy as a young woman. She never forget those comments and did her best to make sure she would never be attractive to any more men in the future. She chose to gain a whole lot of weight and wear extremely loose masculine clothing. Boys continued to make a lot of fun out of her for how she dressed. Eventually, she chose girls over boys for many reasons.
- He had his first sexual experience at the age of 14. She laughed at him and told him he wasn’t much of a man. It hurt him deeply and he took it to heart. As he began to see all the girls in high school go after the hunky football guys, he knew he’d never measure up yet again. He began to prefer boys over girls.
- His dad was rarely at home and his mother was lonely. He didn’t know what to do when his mom wanted emotional and sexual affection from him. He hated it when she would do that but felt sorry for his mom. He grew up generalizing that anger towards all women lest they control him like his mom did.
Might your same-sex attraction be your response to past pain without you even realizing it? Is it just possible that you’ve not yet come to grips with severe emotional trauma and deep sexual humiliation? You’ve done your best to erase that event or suppress those memories. The pain is just too intense. What started out as hurt, ended up as habit. What originated as a pain has now turned into a pattern. That’s so easy to happen over time. All of us react to pain in different ways and we do our best to cope. All of us in life need to learn how to properly deal with people who deeply disappoint us or who sexually sin against us… Would you like to learn to begin by setting up some time to talk about your pain?
Might you be trying to find soul satisfaction in a creature rather than the Creator? All of us do our best to choose anything or anyone (our children, job, material things, pets, mates, etc) but God. He is usually last on our list when it comes to finding our purpose in life. He still offers us the love we seek so much. All of us try to obtain pleasure, satisfy desires, meet needs and soothe pain through a creature instead of the Creator. All of us need to discover our strength and joy in God and not in people. Want to begin?
Might your attraction to the same sex have begun as a lack of confidence about your own sexuality? Might you consider trying to re-discover your own sexuality as a male or female first and foremost instead of trying to discover another person? The God who created male and female is best equipped and is the wise expert on this topic. God knows sexuality like none other and can help you with yours.
Might you consider the person and power of Jesus in the four gospels? People who felt powerless to do anything about their personal condition or permanent situation were transformed by His healing miracles. If He can bring sight to the blind, hearing to the deaf and even bring back life to the dead – do you think He could easily bring or restore heterosexual desires to you? Is anything too difficult for God?
Let’s set up a time to talk on the telephone, via Skype or in person about how God can heal your hurt.