Healing Women Who Feel The Hurt of Casual Sex
YOU FEEL DISAPPOINTED AND DECEIVED. You didn’t get what you were promised and you’re not happy with what you got. You drank the Kool-Aid that “being protected” was so much more important than “being married”. Casual sex was perfectly okay as long as you wore that condom, so you were told. You thought it would make you feel loved like never before, that it would draw you two closer as a couple, that it would make you more popular or desirable, that you would finally feel free and alive, or that it would make you more prepared for marriage... It did none of that; in fact, it did the exact opposite. You went after what the world says is the very best you can have and yet you still came up hungry or thirsty. A lot of people used you, dumped you and lied to you. Maybe you did your share of lying to them, too. Being sexually active left you emotionally deadened, physically different, and spiritually drained. Yes, condoms kept you from getting pregnant but they sure didn’t stop you from getting your heart broken and your hopes dashed! You got duped and you got dumped. You gave away the most sensitive and sacred part of yourself to someone who doesn’t even remember who you are. It was casual but it was costly. You now wish you could give that to your spouse! Sex wasn’t that casual after all, was it? Jesus had a similar conversation with a very sexually active woman and He told her that HE was what she really needed in life. He says that no sexual activity or sexual partner can give us the feelings that He alone could instill into us. He is the spring of living water that never runs dry, never runs away, never disappoints, and He never lies to us. People spend their whole life looking for love in all the wrong places to find what He alone can give. Maybe it’s time for you to let God fill up that emptiness that casual sex didn’t satisfy. Want to chat?
YOU FEEL LESS PREPARED FOR LIFE AND LOVE AND MARRIAGE NOW. You learned how to engage in sex but not in communication. You thought that jumping in bed would solve your problems as a couple or in life. It turned out that sex was a shortcut that you took that led you to a dead end road instead of an open highway. It was a counterfeit for communication! Love is much harder work than you ever dreamed it would be. You learned to open some parts of yourself but you didn’t learn how to open your heart and soul to another human being. Fireside chats were replaced by bedside performances. Like all of us, you took the path of instant gratification but never learned the delicate art of marital negotiation. You didn’t get the memo that sacrifice is how you best express love, not sex. Greater love has no one than this: that you would lay down your life for one another. Being sexually active made you more superficial and shallow, not wise and warm. Your hormones drowned out your heart strings. Your decision to marry was based on passion and not personality. Since the sex was so great, you assumed your future would be - and now you realize that your new life of monogamy must replace your old life of promiscuity. That’s not easy, you realize! When you’ve had a long list of sexual partners, you find yourself comparing your new spouse to your old lovers. It’s hard when your spouse has had an equally long list of past lovers as you also end up getting compared to and complained about. What happened to that fairytale life you dreamed of, that white picket fence you wanted, your honeymoon night, and your knight in shining armor? Again, all that sexual enlightenment didn’t pave the way for an easier life but it seems to be harder now. Life seems dark now and divorce seems probable. This is not what you signed up for later in life, is it? You’d rather have a refund on him or her as well as a retake on life and get back the youth and years you wasted away. Hopefully, this will cause you to lean upon Him for strength. It’s never too late to ask Him for help. Maybe your world is crashing in and partly because you put the priority price tags on the wrong things. You might feel like a young man in the Bible who also came to his senses after he had lost so much in carefree living and casual sex. You’ve decided to go see your Father who is waiting to show compassion to you. You now realize that a closer walk with God is more important than a close relationship with your boyfriend or spouse. You finally figured out that living for the approval of God is easier than living for the approval of people. Congratulations on being years ahead of most people or couples in your new way of thinking and living…
YOUR FUTURE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR PAST. Begin to see yourself in a brand new light. Begin to discover the absolute purity and virginity with which God views you if you belong to Him. You then become a beautiful virgin bride for Christ dressed in fine linen that is bright and pure, being prepared for a wedding feast where He will take great delight in you and rejoice over you with singing. You can be seen by the God of the universe as white as snow with your sexual and non-sexual mistakes all washed away. When you become His prized possession, you can draw near to Him with full assurance of faith and your conscience sprinkled clean. You can be given the perfect righteousness of Jesus Christ. Regardless of who you’ve been with in the past, dwell on the present reality of Christ who now lives in you and is your hope in glory. God has made His home in your heart and He will never leave you even though others have. No matter how many times you feel ashamed that you so casually took off your clothes for people that didn’t matter to you – please remember that you can be newly clothed by God with a full robe of righteousness. I pray that you’ll begin to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ and that you’ll know this love and be filled to the measure with all the fullness of God . Those are some pretty neat promises that God offers you about your body and your future. Let me show you how these thoughts transform your mind with His truth that sets you free…
It was casual but it was costly... leaving you emotionally drained, physically different and spiritually empty.
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