Boyhood Sexual Abuse/Assault
HESITANCY- I know it’s tougher for you to talk about this because you’re a guy. Guys are supposed to be strong, be in charge and take control. Yet this was a time in your life when someone else took control… We’re wrongly told that real men don’t show emotions or pain and that we should keep quiet, suck it up and man up. We’re told that male molestation was not as serious or dangerous because you couldn’t get pregnant. You’re embarrassed to be here but I’m glad you did and hope you continue to read on... AUTHORITY / CREDIBILITY – They knew exactly how to take advantage of their power or position in your community or family or church. Maybe it was a Camp Counselor, Priest or Youth Leader, Sports Coach, School Teacher, Neighborhood Bully, Pastor, Policeman, Uncle, Mother, Family Member or Friend… SECRECY – It was done in secrecy and you were sworn to secrecy. Looking back now, you can see that everything was carefully orchestrated by your offender so that they would not be found out. Their evil deeds were done in darkness but I want you to know that God is light and in Him, there is no darkness at all. There are no secrets hidden from God - He is the One that knows the most about what happened! I know you’re probably pretty mad at the mention of God who let you suffer for so long and that’s okay. We’ll talk about that later. I want you to know that He can be the One healing you in your deepest hurt. TRICKERY – You were lied to and tricked by someone who was older, wiser, and stronger than you were. You were shown pictures or told that real boys do this if they want to be a man. You were told that you were special and that he cared for you - that you made him feel so happy - that it can’t be bad because it feels so good - that this will be fun. It wasn’t… Since we talked about God, let’s talk about his enemy too. He is called the father of lies and he gets people to masquerade as ministers of righteousness. This enemy comes to destroy and deceive us but God offers to give abundant life. He is truth, not trickery… VULNERABILITY- They know exactly what qualities to look for in children who might seem more lonely, quiet, submissive, curious or neglected so that they could get away with their misconduct. That doesn’t mean that you did anything wrong by having your unique personality; your offender preys upon these. As a contrast, God made a special point to love on children when He came here and even said that we have to become like little children to come to Him. You’ll never see Him abusing innocent children… SAFETY – You were told that you - or your family - would be hurt or even killed if you ever told anyone. What a horrible position he put you in with emotional blackmail, physical threat and social checkmate. You were damned if you did tell and damned if you didn’t tell. They knew exactly how to get you to be quiet. Then, they said the exact same thing to all the others but you didn’t know. Of course you didn’t speak up because you didn’t want to get hurt worse. Few people understand how helpless you were. INADEQUACY – As a result, you gave up and maybe you tend to still feel inadequate and insecure today. Feeling like you couldn’t do anything about your situation has continued into your adult life as a result. Maybe you’ve turned to alcohol or drugs to give you the courage to cope or the way to drown out pain. You might have a hard time with interpersonal skills because you were never allowed to assert yourself. Sometimes, your temper explodes at the wrong people and during the strangest unexpected situations. You don’t even know that you’re expressing that anger that you needed to express during those events. God is able to make you a conqueror and more than just a survivor! He can give you a new source of power that gives you the strength to lead your life with confidence and composure. He will replace your feelings of self-doubt with a new feeling (and fact) of self-control. He can remake you from the inside and even give you a peace that passes all human understanding during the most stressful times in life. ANXIETY – Ever have a panic attack when you’re suddenly overwhelmed but you don’t know why? Most of us will bury these emotions in order to escape them since they’re just too painful to live with daily. It’s entirely possible that your panic attacks come out of the blue when you’re somehow and indirectly reminded of what happened to you - by a certain personality type or life situation, phrase or speech, cologne or perfume, house or neighborhood, holiday or song, surprise or situation – and then you snap! Maybe you feel uneasy even as you read this webpage because it’s bringing back those memories… INTIMACY / FAMILY – Relationships are tougher now since tenderness was tainted in your childhood. Maybe you have a hard time with being touched or kissed. You might dislike the physical closeness of sex because it reminds you of feeling smothered by someone much larger than yourself. Maybe it’s hard to receive affection or show affection to your wife, kids, co-worker, neighbors, or friends. Maybe you hate holidays because they remind you of the family gatherings where it would happen. Maybe you find it difficult to trust people and you try to fill up your life with work to avoid that tender time with others. You’ve never let your guard down and you’re somewhat uptight, busy, rigid and task driven as a result? You can still have that intimate and touchy-feely kind of love to show to others when filled with His love. MASCULINITY / IDENTITY – You might feel that your masculinity was questioned before it was violated. Did they do this to me because I’m not masculine, because I look feminine or because I’m actually gay? When you did tell someone, did they tell you that you should have been stronger and braver as a boy? So am I gay because I had an erection and ejaculation after being touched there by a man? Maybe you’re still trying to figure that out OR you’re instead trying to prove to others and yourself that you are quite the stud by being overly sexually active with the opposite sex and watching porn as part of life... God is the One who made male and female; He will answer your questions and clear up any confusion. He knows you best and helps you regain your masculine identity and intensity that was taken from you. CLARITY - Let’s get our view of masculinity from God as we study the person of Jesus Christ together... He is THE ultimate example of the perfect man. You’ll get clear answers to difficult questions you have. You’ll be amazed at how he loved little children yet confronted the abusive religious leaders of the time! He was a giver and not a taker when it came to demonstrating His authority. He had people who clamored to be with him yet He took time to spend time with His heavenly Father - a father who only gives good gifts and does not deceive or degrade his children, like sometimes our earthly parents can. He controlled his emotions and can help you control yours. He taught us to sacrifice and not to seduce. Your childhood innocence was lost but can be restored as much as possible by having a relationship with the same God who you thought had forgotten about you. God does understand how families can have sexual dysfunction and He even included some in His book. He also describes how authorities can abuse their power and position and talks about how adults can provoke children to intense anger, like you have... |
