Teaching/Counseling for Sexual Assault / Rape

Who's in Your Pews?

Rape rarely gets mentioned on the Church Prayer List. They experienced a violent and painful event that will alter their life but we never have a Rape Counseling or Support Group set up for them. Meanwhile, some men in church will think that a woman being submissive is the same as her being permissive or passive. Men will rape because their desire is to dominate, overpower, humiliate, and control another human being. The church must remember rape victims and offenders before we teach on gender roles.

How Do They Feel?

Dirty, defiled, damaged, ugly, worthless, stripped of her dignity, ashamed, humiliated, and withdrawn. She wonders why she seems to look older now and whether she will be physically desirable ever again.
She has lost confidence in herself to make the right decisions about people, life, and situations. Not only does she not trust herself to know what’s right to do but she doesn’t trust others the way she used to. She sometimes feels like she might have caused or deserved this, so now she’s timid to decide anything.

Other Resources for Rape Victims

She’s fearful and scared of being alone – of telling anyone because the rapist said he would come back if she did - being on a date - going out at night - being touched by her husband - having contracted a STD - of almost dying - of seeing her rapist again - of losing her parents or husband who now wants to kill him.
She’s angry at herself for allowing it to happen - at the boy or man who did this - at all men in general - at people who did not protect or believe her –and also at God who allowed this to happen, when she was just being a good Christian and not trying to assert herself, just like she was taught at church to do.

What Not To Do

Don’t create false guilt by asking her what she was wearing or doing or why she didn’t scream, etc. Don’t ask her questions that begin with the word “why” and make her feel like she is the guilty one. If you want to ask questions, ask her how she felt and if she would like to cry or even file a Police Report. We think we always have to be talking and preaching – but now is the time to first listen and empathize.
Don’t create utopian myths about our fallen world by preaching that we always get what we deserve. Sometimes, you reap what others have sown and not what you have sown or deserved! Rape is one such example. Too often, we create a sense of self-righteousness and false security in our churches with a simplistic and idealistic world view. Women who do all the right things, still get sexually assaulted.
Don’t discourage her grief and fury. Don’t tell her to turn the other cheek and pray for her offender. Don’t make her feel even more confused, degraded, and humiliated as a result of your time together. Her dignity, beauty, and security have been turned upside down. Let her express these feelings. Would you tell your precious wife to just forgive and forget, if she were the one who was sexually assaulted?

Scriptures to Know

2 Samuel 13 (Amnon and Tamar). Notice the anger and violence, disgrace and depression in the story.
Genesis 34 (Dinah and Shechem). Notice the men’s grief and fury as a result of her being utterly defiled.
Genesis 39 (Joseph and Potiphar’s wife). How do you think Joseph felt, being blamed as the guilty one?
2 Samuel 11 (David, Uriah, and Bathsheba). Have you ever considered how Bathsheba felt as a result of her being raped against her will? Ever think about how her world was turned totally upside down because of the arrogance of David? Ever notice how David purposefully got Uriah drunk so that he might sexually force himself upon Bathsheba?
The story of Judas who betrayed Jesus - even with a shallow kiss - when he meant to harm him instead.
Luke 10:25-37 (The Good Samaritan). Nowhere in this story did Jesus tell us that the victim (who was stripped and robbed) had done anything to deserve this treatment because of anything he had done.